Profiles in courage

So you're Nursultan Nazarbayev, president of Kazakhstan. You've taken $80 million in bribes. The exact extent of your personal ill-gotten fortune is unknown, but your top adviser, daughter and son-in-law are all billionaires. The US State Department is calling you out on human rights violations for "arbitrary arrest and detention", "restrictions on freedom of speech, the press, assembly, and association", "lack of an independent judiciary", and "severe limits on citizens' rights to change their government.' You won your last election with 91% of the vote, cries of election fraud and Mugabe tactics. You watch Borat every night and laugh at all the inside humor that only Kazakhs get. What's next?

The Nobel Prize of course. Reps. Darrell Issa, R-Ca, and Charlie Melancon, D-La, are the two kind souls who see this record and think of honor, integrity, and peace. It also helps that you've been lobbied by Naz-zilla to the tune of $900,000 a month. I bet you're thinking that there's no way that there could be oil ties between these two men and Double N. You are wrong. Again. Oil companies have billions of dollars worth of deals with Nazarbayev in Kazakhstan, Issa speaks at US/Kazakh business conferences for oil companies and along with Melancon have pushed for oil companies to have stronger ties with Kazakhstan.

The only heartening thing is that literally anyone can be nominated for the Nobel. All you need is someone to fill out the paperwork for you (hint hint). Nazarbayev won't win because most invertebrates and Nobel voters have a better sense of ethics than Darrell Issa. But These Bastards would like to commend those two skid marks for their complete commitment to money grubbing, boot licking, and sucking up to dictators. God speed, lickspittles.