Sad trombone for Exxon

Exxon today set the quarterly profit record, netting $11.68 billion on revenue of $138 billion. $1,485.55 a second.

But if you check their stock ticker, Exxon is dropping in value today. Why is that? Because despite making the most profit ever in one quarter, they fell short of industry revenue projections. They should've made $12.1 billion in profit on $144.4 billion in revenue. Apparently they spent too much on the hooker parties, tiger steaks, and money fights. Say it with me now: AWWWWWWWWWWW! Bloomberg tries to spin this as a bad thing and sounds gloom and doom alarms for why we should all feel sorry for oil companies.

This has at least led to some ideas from our elected betters on how to crack open Big Oil's skull and feast on the sweet sweet frontal lobe inside.

Congressional Democrats said they are having a conference later in the day to call for an end to tax breaks for big oil firms.

Several bills have been introduced in Congress to enact a "windfall" profits tax on these earnings, or at the very least eliminate manufacturing tax exemption oil companies now enjoy. Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama wants to tax oil companies at a special rate every time crude goes over $80 a barrel.

Most plans would either use this newfound tax money to fund investments in renewable energy, or give it to low income Americans struggling with high energy prices.

Republicans predictably outraged, will attempt to block.

So remember when you fill up your car at the pump, get some gas to huff out of a sack, or buy a tall glass of oil to drink: you are disappointing the oil companies and not allowing them to hit their goals. Feel shame.