In which I help cater to the demands of a well-heeled, powerful cadre of homosexual activist organizations

Today I give you a pamphlet from the Family Research Council entitled The Slippery Slope of Same-Sex 'Marriage'. It made me feel sad for trying to run a blog that traffics in satire and parody when there are reals pros out there churning out the high grade stuff without expending much effort.

Among the 'highlights' are the fact that it doesn't even get past the opening section before setting up a situation where people will want to marry animals. Furthermore referring to the advance from consenting sentient humans marrying as leading to a 'logical' next step of horse fucking with governmental consent. They move on to the dangers of Robert Heinlein, frat house families, the Gay Agenda, 'It's Unnatural' fist pounding, cries and lamentations that gay marriage will really, truly ruin your marriage, the reference to 'catering to the demands of a well-heeled, powerful cadre of homosexual activist organizations', and they even have a section entitled "What About the Children." Then there's the invented statistics, outright misrepresentation and lies about actual scientific studies, imaginary pseudo-science and the pleas to listen to the words of 18th century Italian rhetoric professors. For a more in depth rundown of the specific fallacies see Box Turtle Bulletin.

It all just brings it back to the most basic, belabored, retread points. If all you fundamentalist evangelicals are soooooo right and everyone who wants gay people to be allowed to be married sooooo wrong, why the need to lie, dissemble, and so dishonestly represent the issue? Doesn't that make God cry a thousand tears made of puppies and extra cute unicorns? Why is it the countries that have massive groups of fundamentalists that have any serious opposition to gay marriage? How come no one in all the countries that allow it has been turned into a pillar of salt or any other naughty spices and herbs? How come you don't follow all the other shit in Leviticus? And on and on and on. If you would like to have a real discussion about gay marriage and abortion and teen pregnancy why not actually have it? Can't win it?

In any event if gays are allowed to marry I promise not to push for the state to recognize my right to marry a farm for at least decade. Not just animals, but actual marrying of farm implements and land. I won't push for my right to marry a rake. Promise.