Broken In Brief: Bush organizes, ruins one car funeral

WASHINGTON--In what has become the long expected coda of the Bush Administration, today President Bush took it upon himself to organize and execute a one car funeral, then promptly bungled it beyond all recognition. The "funeral" was to be a mass cremation for the deluge of hobo and drifter bodies that were found discarded near the Naval Observatory last week. The President, attempting once and for all to prove to the nation that he could in fact do something right, organized both the route and drove the U-Haul van full of bodies to the crematorium at the Foggy Bottom Funeral Home.

The normal route from the morgue to the funeral home takes you 3 miles and 15 minutes worth of time to get there. The Bush route covered 77 miles along some of the most treacherous mountaintop roads in the world, which were negotiated at top speed. At approximately 9:16 am this morning, Bush finally lost control of the van on the outskirts of Virginia's Prince William Forest Park, pitching it into a small ravine and barrel rolling it down a hill before it toppled to a stop, hobo bodies littering the area.

As a dazed Bush was awoken by Forest Rangers, he reportedly told them that "They didn't see nuthin'", before shooing away a pack of wolves that had begun feasting on the cadavers. The president then proceeded to set the remnants of the van and the bodies on fire, declaring "Mission accomplished" before escaping into the woods, where he was later recovered by the Secret Service. Declaring that the original intent of burning the bodies had been reached and with the added bonus of feeding an endangered species, the President has announced he will award himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his actions.