Monday, November 24, 2008

More Obama appointments

Treasury Secretary: Timothy Geithner. The former NY Fed head has been tapped for the Treasury position. Great news too, as he's described as a skateboarding hipster-wonk, dishing out financial oversight as his carves and grinds your pool with handplants and ollies, wearing oversized Buddy Holly glasses, a too tight Cosby sweater, and listening to Of Montreal. Upon hearing his pick the stock market jumped 400 points because he had a good face and they liked the cut of his jib. This is why you'd be better off betting your savings on a horse. He'll be presiding over the shambles of our economy, trying to link the disparate Hobo Councils into one unified governing collective.

Director Of National Economic Council: Larry Summers. Finally someone got this guy a job where he'll be able to opine that women who were bad at math caused this financial crisis and point out to Obama whether Geithner is doing a Stalefish 360 or a 50-50 Grind.

Press Secretary: Robert Gibbs. America, gaze upon the face of your new doughy pansexual liemaster. It'll be sad saying goodbye to stalwart humorists like McClellan and Perino, but at least we're getting someone who kind of looks like McClellan to lie to us on behalf of a guy we don't despise yet.

Secretary of State: Hill-Dawg. Ok, that one's not new, but sources say she's totally already picking out drapes and shit. I still haven't heard anyone articulate why this is such a great idea, policy wise, to appoint someone whose primary disagreements with Obama were all about foreign policy to State, but we have got a new political reason. In addition to "It'll keep her from meddling with domestic matters", "It'll keep her out of Obama's way in the Senate", and TEAMOFRIVALS!!!! followed by and exultant ejaculation, we can now add "That oughtta shut the bitch up" to our list of great reasons to make someone SecState. Apparently Hill-Dawg being at State will finally give her the high position she apparently wants so bad and now she'll finally go away or something. I heard pundits say it, so it must be true and a good reason.

No comments: