Broken in Brief: Bradley Effect sees resurgence in those who swore to attend inauguration

FAKE AMERICA--The much-maligned "Bradley Effect," which some considered obsolete after the record voter turnout for Barack Obama, has reemerged amongst those who, on election night or soon thereafter, drunkenly promised to attend Obama's inauguration in Washington, DC on January 20. The theory, originally proposed to explain the discrepancy between polling projections and actual voting in elections involving minority candidates, is now seeing a resurgence amongst predominantly young, white Americans.

"When I said I was going on election night, I really meant it," explained Obama supporter Greg Matthews of Philadelphia. "I had just stood up on the bar and given this speech about change and unity and... I don't know, I think it involved coming together or something. I know that blond with the Obama scarf was impressed. The next morning, when I asked her to come to the inauguration with me, she was excited as hell."

This sentiment has been echoed by countless Obama supporters who are only just now settling back into their otherwise dull and uninspired lives. According to Emily Dickstein, co-chair of the Toledo Democrats, "I really wanted to go, but gas is so expensive and nobody wants to put their name on the van rental. I mean, it's going to be on TV anyway, right? He already got elected, right? That was the exciting part."

The realizations that it'll probably be totally "freeze your balls off cold" and that virtually no alcohol will be involved are dampening enthusiasm. Extra clothing and lack of social lubricants are turning out to be the main reasons for this new resurgent "Bradley Effect", as they both will combine to negate the primary reason for Obama's support amongst young, white, twentysomethings: the prospect of getting laid as a result of your country potentially not being a horrible place anymore. While supporters have lowered hopes that by just going to a bar, drinking and watching it while yelling "Obama! Yeah! Whoohoo!" they will reignite their increasingly diminishing prospects for a Hope-related hookup, they aren't willing to risk the expenses of a trip to Washington DC on it.