Broken In Brief: Baghdad inexplicably building a subway

BAGHDAD--Today in conjunction with the Iraqi National Parliament and the US Government, the City of Baghdad announced its plans to construct a $3 billion dollar subway system to ease road congestion, lessen pollution, and to modernize its transit capabilities for the 21st century. The subway would consist of two lines of 11 and 13 miles, with 40 overall stops. The plan, while still in developmental stages, has Baghdad residents fearing for their lives.

“Are they out of their fucking minds?” asked concerned citizen Hadji al-Radjhan through a translator. “Let me see if I can get this straight. We’re still in the middle of a massive sectarian conflict that's about to lose what little stability American troops have been able to enforce. We're in our fourth year of a low-level Sunni vs. Shia civil war whose hallmark has been horrific public bombings. Now they want us to huddle together in confined spaces underground, surrounded my large metal trains and concrete? Why not just mail us all a pipe bomb that detonates when it senses our loved ones are close?”

Already the subway has met with great applause from the terrorist, mortician, and militia community. “I just want to thank the Iraqi government for their lack of foresight,” said Samir Nasri of the Mahdi Army. “We have been trying to think of ways to get more, as you Americans say, bang for our buck. With all the craters we've produced, the populace has gotten pretty spread out, even in the urban commercial areas still standing. This is a tremendous boon to the insurgency, which I must remind you: does not exist.”

Lawmakers have announced that they hope to have the project up and running just as soon as the no-bid contracts and kickback structure is organized.