President Obama will bring us things we don't even want

Obama's election threatens to derail England's bid for 2018 World Cup

Barack Obama's election could derail England's bid to host the 2018 World Cup, according to a "high-placed" Fifa official. The unnamed source told Yahoo Sports that Obama's popularity will be "a huge factor" in deciding whether the USA is selected to host either the 2018 or 2022 tournaments.

"How can it not make a difference," said the source. "Now when you think of America, you don't think George W Bush or war, you think of this man, Obama, who has made history and given hope to millions. The men who vote on World Cup hosts are not immune to those same feelings. If the US bid stacks up in terms of infrastructure and organization, then Obama could be a huge factor."

See how great New Obamerica is? We get massive sporting events most of us don't even care about based on the fact we're not ruled by Bush anymore. Furthermore, we get to take it from countries that really, really, really want it. It doesn't even matter that we don't pay attention to soccer unless our kids are playing it or the fact that England invented the game and has the biggest and best professional soccer (read: football) league in the world. We get it because we have a non-Bush black President. It doesn't even matter that, should he win two terms, he won't even be in office then. World Cup's for us all! Eat it Gordon Brown! We don't need to joint host it with Portugal and Spain, we're America!

Also World, we have a Chicago 2016 bid coming up for the Olympics. President Obama is from Chicago. I think you know what to do. I am not watching swimming on a 12 hour tape delay again.