Di Di Mao, Akmed!

Sometimes I don't understand why We Bastards even bother. It's not our complete lack of intelligence, honesty or dedication that troubles me but rather the simple fact that so much of what we address here is pretty much beyond satire in the first place. For 7-1/2 years this country -- specifically, the sick evil fucks with fingers on buttons -- has been beating satirists to the punch. Frankly, it's disheartening.

Today's example? Turns out the guys connecting testicles to car batteries at Guantanamo Bay spent about four years employing techniques developed by the Chinese government during the Korean War to solicit false confessions from American P.O.W.s.

That's right. The American intelligence operatives tasked with extracting information from suspected terrorists were running the Mao Zedong playbook. The one our country spent decades decrying as "torture." And it's a half-century old. And results in bad intelligence. What am I even supposed to do with this apart from wish I'd made it up?

Fuck it. "Sources close to the investigation disclosed that one specific technique involved the interrogator using his knees to pin the detainees arms to the ground, at which point the agent would tap rhythmically on the prisoner's forehead until he admitted to liking penis."

There. Joke achieved. I'll be at the bar mourning the death of humor.