Once you go seedless, your passion is heedless

According to InventorSpot, watermelons might be capable of providing the same benefits of drugs like Viagra, due to a high concentration of citrulline, an organic compound that helps relax blood vessels.

Scientists in Texas say that citrulline reacts with the body’s enzymes when consumed in large quantities and is then changed to arginine, an amino acid that benefits the heart and circulatory systems.

There are scientists in Texas? Anyway, while some in the scientific community -- many of them, coincidentally, impotent men in their fifties -- might greet this news with excitement, These Bastards wishes to state unequivocally for the record our staunch opposition to watermelon fucking.

Granted, our position might not be the most politically popular, but we are men of scruples. We believe this trend can only bring about a closed loop of sexual shame, wherein perpetrators sex the fruit, only to become more aroused and therefore compelled to continue sexing the fruit. There are simply too many hungry people and perverts in the world for this behavior to be permitted. For the love of god, please don't fuck the melon.