Picture of the day

From some bullshit protest, a picture that sums up for me every single trust fund anarchist, smashing up a storefront in the name of whatever: some early twenties asshole in designer, pre-ripped skinny jeans and sandals, raging so hard against the police that their trendy white sunglasses fall off and they sweat up their $120 faux-vintage t-shirt. I bet she was screaming something about corporations when this all went down.

Fuck all these G-20/Greek protest people, the police cannot beat them hard enough.

Too soon?

From FreshJive, the t-shirt entitled "Hope is Fading Fast", the first salvo from the hippies and hipsters who probably didn't vote, but would be regretting it right now if they did. 10 months? Is that our wait limit on hope related change? Alright. Sure you don't want to wait until he officially escalates the war in Afghanistan before turning on him? No? All this stuff is sufficient? I understand, Christmas pre-orders, printing lead times, and whatnot.

On the bright side, this is probably distorted enough and artistically different enough to ensure they don't get sued by the AP. Which puts them one up on Shepard Fairey. Here's a tip if you do get sued by a vengeful press or cash strapped Fairey: don't lie. Otherwise, I'll see you at the weekly meeting for people who didn't get what they wanted from a politician they supported. We're called everyone and we meet every day within the confines of the Untied States and its outlying territories.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.30

Pope: My 'Guardian Angel' Let Me Down
I know he's the Pope and thus prone to believe in this fanciful bullshit, but did he really just blame an angel for failing to keep him upright? And then suggested that God wanted him to fall and ordered an angel to let it happen? I wonder why it is I fail to take religion seriously.

The Baucus Bill's Bad Math
Nate Silver turn his super robot abacus brain onto leaked plans of the health care bill that Max Baucus is negotiating. It seems that it can't possibly do what he says it will and contains a terrible mish-mash of attributes for a health care bill to have. Man, I'm so glad everyone decided it was a great idea to let Max fuckin' Baucus lead the way on health care reform.

Blue Dog Compromise Removes Billions In Savings From Public Plan
Who would have thought? I can't believe that the Blue Dogs actually ended up contradicting their stated goals in order to hack a few bucks out of a health care bill and pretend like they were doing something. It's almost as if they have no idea what they're doing or talking about. Good thing House Democrats decided to cede power to them.

The New Antiquarians
"New vintage". Overly precious kitschy shit on the walls. The hipster TGI Friday's aesthetic. Is it time to consider killing Wes Anderson and hemming in this retro 19th century taxidermist Futura fonted Victorian pastiche trend before it spreads or gets any new ideas? I'm as eager to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox as the next guy, but he needs to be stopped.

Beer choice at Obama meeting touches off new debate
Now that the President is mediating the most important peace accord since Sadat and Begin met, we can finally talk about what's important: booze. Lager? Wheat ales? Budweiser? A magical blend from the Sam Adams founder which melds all the flavors of the world plus magic rainbows? This is important, the whole next week of Glen Beck Hannity, and Rush's shows hinge on whether Barack orders a foreign beer or one they can deem "only pussy liberals drink".

Stormy Daniels Arrested for Domestic Violence
Not only did the porn star challenging David "whores are a conservative christian value" Vitter have a campaign adviser get car bombed, but now she's under arrest for beating her husband. Louisiana needs to have a Senate election every year. We're only in the beginning stages of the primaries and it's threatening to be the most interesting race ever. We're a bestiality arrest and a cultist kidnapping away from having to dip the campaign in bronze to preserve it for future generations.

He says there is a storm coming

Above: The L Train's new conductor

As of tomorrow morning, New York City's L Train, which runs from Rockaway in East Brooklyn to Chelsea in West Pompous Fuckery, will be fully controlled by computers. Sure, there will still be motormen on board the train to "take over if problems arise." You know these motormen. Think of them as the biker bar clientele at the beginning of Terminator 2, but less-educated and unionized.

On the bright side, the L Train is the primary means of access for Williamsburg residents seeking to enter Manhattan. So when the train intentionally crashes itself to signify the beginning of the revolution, I doubt many will notice, apart from the stench of charred fashion stubble and smoldering Converse rubber flowing out of the 1st Ave. stop. Regardless, the end is extremely fucking nigh.

More Obama appointments

Treasury Secretary: Timothy Geithner. The former NY Fed head has been tapped for the Treasury position. Great news too, as he's described as a skateboarding hipster-wonk, dishing out financial oversight as his carves and grinds your pool with handplants and ollies, wearing oversized Buddy Holly glasses, a too tight Cosby sweater, and listening to Of Montreal. Upon hearing his pick the stock market jumped 400 points because he had a good face and they liked the cut of his jib. This is why you'd be better off betting your savings on a horse. He'll be presiding over the shambles of our economy, trying to link the disparate Hobo Councils into one unified governing collective.

Director Of National Economic Council: Larry Summers. Finally someone got this guy a job where he'll be able to opine that women who were bad at math caused this financial crisis and point out to Obama whether Geithner is doing a Stalefish 360 or a 50-50 Grind.

Press Secretary: Robert Gibbs. America, gaze upon the face of your new doughy pansexual liemaster. It'll be sad saying goodbye to stalwart humorists like McClellan and Perino, but at least we're getting someone who kind of looks like McClellan to lie to us on behalf of a guy we don't despise yet.

Secretary of State: Hill-Dawg. Ok, that one's not new, but sources say she's totally already picking out drapes and shit. I still haven't heard anyone articulate why this is such a great idea, policy wise, to appoint someone whose primary disagreements with Obama were all about foreign policy to State, but we have got a new political reason. In addition to "It'll keep her from meddling with domestic matters", "It'll keep her out of Obama's way in the Senate", and TEAMOFRIVALS!!!! followed by and exultant ejaculation, we can now add "That oughtta shut the bitch up" to our list of great reasons to make someone SecState. Apparently Hill-Dawg being at State will finally give her the high position she apparently wants so bad and now she'll finally go away or something. I heard pundits say it, so it must be true and a good reason.

Noble detective work

Although this research was conducted in Los Angeles, the findings are surely valid here in New York City as well. Let us watch, enjoy, and count the seconds until that flute clip is downloaded as an iPhone ringtone by 84% of Williamsburg residents.