Broken In Brief: Pre-teen screws around with dad's gun, foils robbery

BUFFALO--Today the mayor and city council came together to bestow upon Billy Carruthers, 12, the highest honor the City of Buffalo has; the Tim Russert Golden Wing of Honor for his role in foiling a home invasion this weekend. It happened when Billy and his friend Timmy Masterson, 12, were in his father's den, fooling around with a gun they found in a shoebox on top of the porn stash of Billy's father. What could have been a tragedy soon turned to heroism as an errant thrust of the gun towards the face of his friend Timmy resulted in a shot being fired. The bullet narrowly missed young Masterson's face as it went through the den window, across the street and lodged itself in the spine of petty criminal David Covington, who was engaged in the robbery in question.

"I just did what any kid would do when he found his Dad's loaded gun," remarked Billy, beaming with pride. "I dangerously brandished it without regard for human life or even the most basic measures of gun safety. Some would say its just luck that I didn't blow my friends face off and in the future I should be more careful. But I think of it as a sign from God that I should go around, waving loaded guns at all of society’s problems, so that I may fix them with the accidental misfire of social justice."

When asked if he regretted leaving a loaded pistol, unguarded, and in an area that a horny young child would be voraciously trying to find, a perplexed Mr.Carruthers answered "Of course not. If I didn't show such foresight this robbery would have gone on unabated and this Covington man would still be at large, burgling, instead of in traction at the Jim Kelly Memorial Prison Hospital with a 30% chance of walking again. Frankly I should be getting a large or perhaps larger medal. It was my glock and my hollow points."

At the ceremony the mayor made a plea to the youth of the area "As many know, over the past decade or so, depressed economic conditions have led to an increase in the crime rate in our fair city. We wish more of Buffalo's youth would take some of the initiative shown by Billy. Frankly if more of our children had just a little more disregard for personal safety we might have one of the more enviable crime rates in the country. Children, your city depends on you." He then fired his pearl handled mayoral six-shooters into the air, to thunderous applause.