You should have listened to Mr. T's investment advice

Well, if you invested in the stock market, financial markets, or bought the stock of any of the rapidly failing and already failed institutions that are making headlines, you probably aren't too happy right now. On the other hand, if you just said "Sod it, I'm getting a big gold rope chain" well then my friend, you are rich. You're rich AND a ballin' ass dope motherfucker. For serious.

Gold prices exploded Wednesday _ posting the biggest one-day gain ever in dollar terms _ as fears of more credit market turmoil unnerved investors and triggered a flood of safe-haven buying.

Gold for December delivery rose as much as $90.40, or 11.6 percent, to $870.90 an ounce in after-hours trading on the New York Mercantile Exchange after jumping $70 to settle at $850.50 in the regular session. That was the biggest one-day price jump ever; gold's previous single-day record was a $64 gain on Jan. 29, 1980. In percentage terms, it was gold's largest one-day advance since 1999.

The huge rally came after the government moved overnight to rescue troubled insurer American International Group Inc. with an $85 million bailout loan.

Gold has also surged on the weakness of the American dollar. Everyone laughed at you when you said you wanted to dress like Big Daddy Kane and LL from back in the day. Who's laughing now? Though honestly, you should take them off right now, gold's really valuable and you'll probably be killed for it now that the stock your neighbors invested in isn't worth the paper it was printed on.

For the future, don't listen to these Jim Cramers and Larry Kudlows, listen to the man you should have been listening to since Rocky 3: Mr. T. He had the right investment strategy: Gold. And jean vests. Those also went up on the commodities market.