CERN gives us til April

You have til April. That's when CERN will fire up the LHC after they clean up the helium they spilled everywhere and then heat up and cool some magnets. Why April? Apparently after the 2 months it takes to reheat and cool the magnets, they have to shut down to conserve electricity. One can't open a black hole and destroy existence when one is paying 90 cents a kilowatt hour.

The world’s newest and largest particle accelerator, the Large Hadron Collider, will not begin operations again until April, officials at the European Center for Nuclear Research said Tuesday.

The machine is built to speed the subatomic particles called protons to nearly the speed of light and then smash them together in search of new forms of matter and energy that cannot be produced in smaller machines. Two weeks ago, the center for nuclear research, which is outside Geneva, sent the first beams of protons around the machine’s 17-mile-long underground racetrack.

But last Friday the machine was shut down after an electrical connection between two of the superconducting electromagnets that steer the protons suffered a so-called quench, heating up, melting and leaking helium into the collider tunnel. Liquid helium is used to cool the magnets to superconducting temperatures of only about 3.5 degrees Fahrenheit above absolute zero. Stray heat can cause the magnets to lose their superconductivity with potentially disastrous consequences.

I think we all know what really happened. The UN came through with the first payment of money in unmarked, non-sequential bills, to be left behind the statue of Fritz Haber at the University of Dusseldorf. The madmen at CERN have decided to give us til April to come up with the rest or they negate reality. Until then they'll just terrorize the Pacific Rim with their weather machine.

Send monies to
The "Please Don't Fucking Kill Us" Fund c/o CERN
CERN CH-1211
Genève 23
Switzerland