Bailout explodes into fiery hellstorm of failure

Evel McCainievel's stunt didn't work. Line up some buses for him to jump!

John McCain's valiant efforts to put aside politics by parachuting into the negotiations to offer his rapidly changing opinions to people who had been working on it for the last 10 days without word one from him, were dashed on the rocks of evil partisanship. It seems focusing the entire Presidential campaign on delicate and tenuous negotiations actually results in more gamesmanship and political posturing, not less. Who would've known? Not John McCain, that's who.

It seems that instead of hammering out the nooks and crannies of what was largely agreed upon by all sides (more taxpayer help, protections, oversight, CEO restrictions, and using installments, not a guaranteed $700 billion), a large group House Republicans wanted to introduce and entirely new framework 15 minutes before the meeting and work off of that. According to CBS News, their plan involves fewer regulations and more corporate tax breaks. McCain evidently tacitly supports this plan as shown by his mumbling and corner sitting during the big meeting he called for. Where were these House Republicans for the past week and a half and why couldn't they bother to muster up their plan before, I don't know the last possible minute? Well, stupid ideas get laughed out at the beginning, especially when their the same ones you always want to do (less regs and taxes). But if you recklessly throw them in at the last possible second then they have to be taken seriously, even if they exacerbate the problem by compounding what already went wrong. Seriously, less regulation? You guys are precious.

So buck up, apparently this isn't a serious crisis requiring immediate attention. I mean if it were serious, McCain and House Republicans wouldn't be dicking around the negotiations, playing chicken and *gasp* politics with the thing they all said would cause the New Great Depression by early next week. So come on House Republicans, dust off all your old shit. Make the bailout contingent on ending estate taxes, flag burning, abortion, and having Reagan's face put on Mt. Rushmore. Johnny needs to shore up his conservative base.