Broken In Brief: R&B Artist’s Lyrical Metaphors Deemed "Confusing, Incomprehensible"

MOTOWN--Chart-topping R&B singer Aston Martins is defending himself from allegations that the metaphors for intercourse and love on his new album “Sex Junket” are confusing and incomprehensible. The record has already gone platinum on the strength of the title track, as well as the hits "Foggy Bottom Dune Buggy" and "Scotch Tape on my Cumulus Clouds,"

“I’ve been in this business for near on 30 years and I’ll be damned in anyone can tell me what a ‘duffel full of mocha postcards’ is supposed to represent,” complained Rolling Stone music critic Trent Romes. “Furthermore the references to his ‘arcane chipotle’, the ‘solemn warble of the ibex’ and the incessant allusions to Airwolf are confusing. Where’s all the ‘getting biz-zay’ and obvious penis talk? I don’t even know what he wants to penetrate with what. I still gave it three stars, as is Rolling Stone policy.”

This is an about-face for Martins, who had for years been criticized for the overt and explicit nature of his lyrics. “Suddenly it’s all ‘No, don’t sing Face Fuck You While Your Husband’s at Work, be more discreet and artistic’, then I’m all layered and shit and they hate it,” said Martins during a radio interview today. “I got hip to metaphor and allusion and suddenly they can’t deal. Sometimes I just want to tell a girl she’s the ‘nylon rope on my mortarboard’ or that I want to ‘eat a Denny’s grand slam breakfast in the comment section of her blog’ and now these people want to kill my artistic expression. I don’t know, maybe its back to the more gritty days of 'Shit, I'm Rich' and ‘The Sexual Deviancy Listed In This Song Will Get Me Arrested in the South.’” Martins’ label, Lady Stain Productions, has promised to put a “Martins-to-English” page on his website so the artist can explain the reasoning behind some of the more obscure sexual references.