Thursday, August 28, 2008

your sloppy pre-obama french kiss

Before we all hold our breath and wait for that sharp crack of sniper fire, let us pause and reflect for a moment. For once, I come bearing good news. Yes, news that will ease your nerves and do what alcohol alone cannot to smooth the edges of uncertainty surrounding what I'm sure you think will be the next landmark political speech in the history of this grrrrrreat nation.

Are you listening? Here goes.

The simple fact is, tonight doesn't matter. As excited as you all may be, tonight's pageantry is but the latest in a long line of crude and senseless distractions aimed at obscuring the fact that we will all soon be sucked into an infinite number of microscopic black holes appearing simultaneously and at random across and throughout all of the physical matter we "know" is present. We will at once be nothing and everything. Together. How's that for change?

You have eleven days. Enjoy the speech.

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