Enjoy those rockets Poland

Poland and the US signed a missile defense agreement today, designed both to protect the Poles from lighting bolts hurled by an angry Zeus, but also to hit that big 'ole hornets nest we call Russia with a red, white, and blue stick. The deal provides Poland with a radar tracking system, 96 Patriot missiles, a permanent garrison of American troops, and that 10 US interceptor missiles will be placed 115 miles from the Russian border, ensuring that only the 11th missile will hit Krakow.

This provoked an unusually crazy reaction from Russia. General Anatoly Nogovitsyn, who used to tag team with Nikolai Volkoff back in the day, described it as

"an act of aggression against Russia and warned Poland that it was leaving itself open to retaliation - and possibly even a nuclear attack. "Poland, by deploying [the system] is exposing itself to a strike - 100 per cent,” he said.

That seems rational. It seems the agreement gets Poland some defense missiles and the right to be used as a nuclear calibration site for mad Russian generals.

But I'm sure Poland really wanted these missiles and weren't pushed into it by the US at all.

"The fears about a resurgent Russia were codified to some degree in what Polish and American officials characterized as unusual aspects of the final deal, including an obligation on the United States to defend Poland in case of an attack with greater speed than required under NATO."

Oh well, that's nice for them I guess, they hit the hornets nest while we stay in the house, but we promise to call the ambulance and arrange for the funeral faster than we would for Turkey. I'm sure when the nukes start falling we'll do more than just bitch about it in newspapers. Just ask Georgia. Better ask by letter, e-mail and phone may be a little hit and miss.

NATO Secretary General Jaap de Hoop dismissed the Russian threats as "pathetic rhetoric", then got all up in Russia's face yelling "DIPLOMATIC BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!" before strutting down the hall. He also decried the comments as "unhelpful", having looked on list of unhelpful things the US has done over the years, and finding "bellicose, unprovoked, warmongering statements" bolded, underlined and highlighted. He seemed confused at the fact he finally got to use this list as a comparison for another country.

Speaking to reporters, Rice said, "the Russians are losing their credibility." Then everyone had a good laugh at her expense as she looked around in a confused manner. Someone chimed in that maybe she had meant to say that "soon the Russians will have as little credibility as the US." But the blank stare that Condi gave afterward soon triggered an awkward silence before she was quickly hustled out of the room by secret service agents.

So put away your dreams of war with Iran my pretties. We just might get our long postponed blowout with Russia. And irradiated Polish mutants, don't forget about the mutants.

The adults aren't on their way to fix things.