Bow down to a true pimp, bitchSo in case you weren't cool enough to get the text, Biden is Obama's pick for the veep slot. The text said "Barack has chosen Senator Joe Biden to be our VP nominee. Watch the first Obama-Biden rally live at 3pm ET on www.BarackObama.com. Spread the word!" I got one that said "U R A QT. LOLZ. IDK MY BFF JILL." Was that from Obama too?
Sources close to These Bastards say that the VP announcement took so long because of the difficulty of finding human sized muzzles. In the end they went with a company out of Indiana, Woof Shush, who had the device fitted to Biden in the early morning. Sources close to Biden say he wrote up a volume of zesty McCain zingers which was turned over to Obama campaign for future use. Obama Scienticians are already on the quip testing range firing off a McCain centric version of the Giuliani nipple roaster "Noun, Verb, 9/11". The choices are "Noun, Verb, POW", "Noun, Verb, Can't Remember Houses", and "Noun, Verb, McCain's a rotten old bastard."
Biden is already practicing indignant looks of disbelief towards Republican ideas, has already received both the change-ectomy and the hope-transplant, and has already torn to shreds and defecated on a Mitt Romney doll. They plan to give a speech later today in Springfield, then stalk the town in the dead of night rolling any 73 year olds they find. The campaign slogan has been changed from "Change you can believe in" to ""What the fuck are you looking at old man? Get him!" Insiders say that both are excited, fired up, and ready to go.
God speed, gentlemen, God speed.
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