ZOMG! Obama is gonna pick a veep! LOLZ!

So it seems this Obama character is going to stop being a Muslim long enough to pick a VP this week. How do I know this? Because I'm the fucking genius brainlord elect. But also because every goddamn news organization in the country is incessantly reporting it. Also because of simple common sense that dictates he will pick his VP sometime before the convention that starts next week. You know, the one where the VP and Obama speak and everyone holds up placards with two names on them, one on the top (Obama) and one on the bottom (our mystery date).

So no, it isn't really news to keep posting stories about how Obama is gonna be picking his VP this week. He has to, it's not news, it's common sense and simple fact. When is he going to pick the veep, February? But all the breathless speculation has centered on a few names: Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine (centrist who would bore his own mother), Sen. the Juggernaut (he likes your raincoat baby), Delaware Sen. Joe Biden (demented loud mouth who could out filibuster a electrified talkin' machine), Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh (right leaning, helmet haired, DLC goon), Dr. Fritz Haber (may be worse on human rights than Bush) and Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius (vagina may alienate mental Hillary hardliners).

So all you leftist freaks holding out for a Dodd, a Feingold (~!), or a Schweitzer, put it back in your pants. It's going to a be a somewhat boring centrist you probably wouldn't ever vote for if you had to do it divorced from the Obama ticket. On the McCain side he might nominate their own helmet haired goon/man everyone dislikes: Mitt Romney, crazy Christian creationist and exorcist: Bobby Jindal, dimensional overlord and centrist: Krang, bridge collapsing evangelical: Tim Pawlenty, or phony, pseudo-Dem prick: Joe Lieberman. According to sources this may also happen before the Republican convention. Stay tuned for the boredom, shrugged shoulders and confused cries of "Who?"