Cheap blogging crutch 8.11

In the time it takes you to read this post, Michael Phelps will win four more gold medals.

McCain campaigns with Ridge
John McCain is driving (very slowly in the fast lane with his blinker on) around our native state of Pennsylvania, getting into arguments with trees and repeatedly telling reporters that his children are ungrateful. At his side is the man who gave you the Homeland Security color chart, Tom Ridge. Rumor has it that Ridge is high on the list of potential McCain Veeps. This makes plenty of sense considering that, at 62, Ridge is almost half a century younger than the Arizona Senator.

New York > London
A collaborative research project between New York University's Schack Institute of Real Estate, the Urban Land Institute, and London South Bank University concluded that New York kicks London's ass in pretty much every meaningful way. No word on whether the wankers took the news poorly.

IKEA has green designs
Everyone's favorite fine furnishings pimp has announced that it will invest approximately $77 million over the next few years in hopes of retailing a new line of eco-friendly merchandise, including solar panels. This way, when suburban homeowners drive thirty miles in an SUV to a big box store to purchase something made in another country and shipped thousands of miles to the store, they can do so with a clear conscience.

Incapable of a real opening ceremony climax, China fakes it
Turns out that those footprint fireworks during Friday's opening ceremonies weren't exactly, well, real. At all. Nope. Added electronically to the television feed. I suppose it makes sense that Beijing's opening ceremonies were about as genuine as their promise to the IOC to improve human rights after being awarded the games.

And finally, this guy
Don't know who he is, what he did, or how long he's in for. All I know is that's the best tattoo I've seen in a long time and that he's probably a John McCain supporter.