World on hold for Democratic Convention

In case you had any ideas that stuff was happening outside of the United States, stuff that was completely unrelated to the Democratic convention or an average speech Hillary Clinton gave, let me reassure you: nothing is happening. I looked on the websites of a bunch of newspapers and everything. The TV news is wall to wall convention with quick news alerts for the grain silo fire that happened in Dubuke. That's the only other thing that happened today.

The New York Times is Clinton speech and chubby kids in swimming pools. The LA Times is Hillary and Horses. the Washington Post is all Hillary and has furiously replaced all it's Hillary/Obama rift stories from yesterday with Bill/Obama rift storylines for today. You know how hard it is to change every Hillary to Bill and her to him? At least five minutes in Word. Even the Guardian and Times in the UK have overly large sections on the convention on their front page. Try looking at the Huffington Post, I dare you. It's all convention and murdering pythons. Which may have happened at the convention, I didn't click on the link. Has anyone seen Chris Dodd? Was he eaten by a python?

Sleep easy America, nothing in the world is going on. Russia has held it's position inside Georgia and is sheepishly kicking dirt while waiting for Barack's big speech to be over. Insurgents in Iraq have kindly stopped bombing indiscriminately so as not to confuse reporters as what to report on: Iraq or Hill-dawg's tangerine pant-suit. The housing crisis actually fixed itself last night so that more people would be able to spend time watching Joe Biden. All is well.

The world will kick itself back into gear late Friday, before going on hiatus again at the start of next week for the Republican convention. The world is considerate like that. You should send them a thank you card.