Your morning face palm, courtesy of Greensburg, PA

Nothing new here. Classless, mentally unstable Pittsburgh-area hayseed uses X to assault Y while loaded to the gills on Z.

A Greensburg man was convicted Tuesday of using a 2-pound concrete garden gnome as a deadly weapon in a February attack against his 16-year-old stepdaughter.

And there you have a rather pedestrian snapshot of American culture continuing to circle the drain. What makes this worth posting? What indeed...

The article continues:

The gnome, about a foot tall, wore a hat, a blue shirt over a bulging stomach and a wide grin as it sat on a table in open court throughout the two-day trial. Morrison and the weapon were separated by about 2 feet of table, with the gnome facing the defendant.

Also...

Before the gnome became involved in the altercation, Morrison smashed a telephone and cut the phone lines into the house, Anderson testified.

And finally...

It took a Westmoreland County jury of six men and six women 90 minutes to find Morrison guilty of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, two counts of simple assault, reckless endangerment and child endangerment. Jurors acquitted Morrison of a second charge of aggravated assault.

I would like to state plainly for the record that These Bastards is goddamn sick and tired of reality beating us to our job. Full article, with hard-hitting reportage, is HERE.