Aspirational time horizons

Rice says US-Iraq coming together on timetables

BAGHDAD — Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari said Thursday that U.S. and Iraqi officials agree that timetables should be set for a U.S. troop withdrawal, but conceded that nailing down a broader pact on future relations is difficult.

Appearing together at a news conference, Rice and Zebari also mutually asserted that a final agreement between Washington and Baghdad on a a broad document spelling out the nature of any future U.S. troop presence and Washington-Baghdad relations is close to fruition, but not yet complete.

"We have agreed that some goals, some aspirational timetables for how that might unfold, are well worth having in such an agreement," Rice told reporters after meeting with Iraqi officials, including Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. The two sides had come together on a draft agreement earlier this week and Rice made an unannounced visit to Baghdad to press officials there to complete the accord.

Eat it Surrendercrats! No longer will we be doomed to lose Iraq by withdrawing according to your dangerous 'timetables', we will engender peace and serenity by withdrawing according to 'aspirational timetables' and 'time horizons'. So says Condi, so is the law.

No matter that this is all vague bullshit with no concrete goals or even signed agreements. No matter that this is a lame punt down the line to the next President, whether he wants to withdraw in accordance with the wishes of the people and leadership of Iraq (Hussein X Obama) or move us all there to live for eternity (Ballin' John McMoolah). Do not concern yourself with the fact that aspirational timetables are the exact kind of fictional things stoners should paint on the side of vans along with wizards, unicorns, and rainbow elves. It could mean withdrawal next month or in a thousand years (McBoner~!). Just remember that if a Democrat says this exact same thing it's treason and that person wishes to lose in Iraq. Tattoo it on something you look at often, like the head of the woman at the unemployment office. IT'S SURRENDER! Go in peace.