The Chileans broke the planet

Have you ever wished the day was a little shorter? You know, just so there were a few less minutes in your day to sit around without a job or just to make 5 o'clock come around sooner because then it's OK to drink and GODDAMNIT YOU DONT HAVE A PROBLEM, SHELIA!!!

Well then, this whole Chilean earthquake thing must have been a tremendous boon to you and a subject of some personal pride, you monster. You got your wish.

The earthquake that killed more than 700 people in Chile on Feb. 27 probably shifted the Earth’s axis and shortened the day, a National Aeronautics and Space Administration scientist said.
...
“The length of the day should have gotten shorter by 1.26 microseconds (millionths of a second),” Gross, said today in an e-mailed reply to questions. “The axis about which the Earth’s mass is balanced should have moved by 2.7 milliarcseconds (about 8 centimeters or 3 inches).

So not only is the day shorter in an increment that can only be appreciated by hummingbirds and Olympic sprinters, the earth was thrown off it's axis by three whole inches. The three inch axis shift was so violent that a scientist stationed at a scientific outpost was slightly nudged into a co-worker while at the dinner table, throwing the meal into an unpleasant conversation about "personal boundary issues" about certain "creepy, bug-eyed glaciologists" that "had already been warned about the pawing and touching, Roger." Suffice to say, dessert was uncomfortable.

So remember, in order to fully stick it to the man and wring out every benefit you can from a 8.8 magnitude earthquake: start leaving work 1.26 microseconds early. Otherwise the time shift is just going to come out of your sleep and leisure time. And if you want to start knocking off some tenths of a second, you know, real time, then start praying for some really big earthquakes. It's all just a matter of the CIA turning a knob on their earthquake causing satellite.