Of course the man to step up to the forefront is Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. First he stated we were using the earthquake and aid as a pretext for occupying Haiti. you know, because controlling Haiti would be such a jewel in our crown. But then he wised up and came to a more reasonable conclusion: we were responsible for the earthquake.
Venezuelan leader, Hugo Chavez has reportedly said the Haiti earthquake was caused by a U.S. tectonic weapons test, also being dubbed The Earthquake Weapon.First off: The Earthquake Weapon? That's an unbelievably shitty name. Come up with something better, Hugo. Secondly, he also blames the US for the January 9th earthquake in Eureka, CA, but says we only might be responsible for a 2008 earthquake in China. Which is it, Hugo? Do we cause all earthquakes now or just some of them? Get your facts straight.
Hugo Chavez told Spanish newspaper ABC that a "tectonic weapon" launched by the U.S. Navy was capable of triggering a powerful earthquake off the coast of Haiti. Chavez told the newspaper that this time it was only a test and the ultimate target is Iran
As for the accusations that we want to use this secret (but not so secret that every two-bit conspiracy theorist not only knows about it, but also knows where it is located: the HAARP facility in Alaska) earthquake weapon to finally destroy Iran? Well, no shit. We don't have the troop strength to fully invade so our only other recourse is magic space vibrations shot from satellites formerly controlled by Sarah Palin.
It's just a shame that you caught on to our plan to unleash El Ultimo Tectonico Diablo on Iran. Now we can't crush them under the might of our weather controlling powers! Curse you, Hugo, and curse the Fifth Republic Movement! Now we'll have to wait to destroy Iran... that is unless... would people find it suspicious if Tehran was hit by a Category 5 hurricane? I guess we'll find out soon enough.
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