Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Arkansas explained

There's one thing an Arkansan will tell you: possum is good eatin'. But also that there's a better chance that they'll vote for you if you have a down home, homespun nickname. And aren't black. But they'd really prefer if you had a Hee-Haw level moniker that was also possibly a pork byproduct.

And this is the dilemma that one Colonel Conrad Reynolds, a Republican looking to unseat the awful Blanche Lincoln, has found out. He isn't allowed to use his military title as a nickname. Because it isn't as classy as 'Booger', 'Boner', or 'Hog Lips'. Seriously, it's Arkansas law.
Under state law, already-elected officials can use their titles on the ballot. People seeking office can use a nickname – and many do when no one can recollect their given names. But the law prohibits professional or honorary titles from being used as nicknames.

Reynolds said the law is unfair to him and to voters. He said he believes the law should allow military ranks to be included as part of a candidate's title or a nickname. Reynolds said he would consider challenging the state's decision
Many choose to use nicknames when no one can recollect their given names? Seriously? Someone goes by 'Cooter' for so long that everyone in his family forgets he was named John? If only there were some sort of state issued certificate indicating birth, that also included the given name as well as other pertinent data. But I guess it's ironic that some of the very people claiming that Obama show them his durned birth certificate so they can prove he ain't no Mooslum, can't find their own?

But we agree with Reynolds. When you're running in a race with guys going by 'Porky', 'Two', and 'Bubba', it should be fine to go by 'Colonel' especially when you're a real colonel and not just a chubby fried chicken aficionado. I mean he is running in a Republican primary, if he isn't able to scream "I was in the fucking military! Freedom! Flag! Eagle!" as loud as he can, it's barely worth running. Letting the man go by 'Colonel' will hardly degrade Arkansas politics any lower. That, quite frankly, is impossible.

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