Down with the union!

Look we all know that health care reform is many things. A nefarious conspiracy to murder the Greatest Generation, a liberal communist socialist plot to retroactively rape the founding fathers, Nazism, an affront to God, and the personification of all various forms of wars, atrocities, historical black marks, and the work of evil men.

In recent days we've been getting even more specific criticisms of what reform is like. Lindsay Graham mused that it was just like when the dirty japs got all liquored up on sake and made kamikaze runs on our warships. Glenn Beck disagreed. He feels that reform is like when the dirty japs bombed us at Pearl Harbor. In any event I think we know one thing: the passage of health care is a revenge plot from Emperor Hirohito, Japan sucks, and Sunday might just be the day that lives in infamy.

But Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia has other ideas. Health care reform is like the bloodiest conflict in US history... but in a bad way.

BROUN: If ObamaCare passes, that free insurance card that’s in people’s pockets is gonna be as worthless as a Confederate dollar after the War Between The States — the Great War of Yankee Aggression.

OK, that wasn't so much a critique of health reform as it was a cheap way to get indignant about Lincoln. Free insurance card? What the hell is that? Plus, the reason Confederate money was so worthless is because they lost the Civil War. By the way, that's what we call it: the Civil War. Or, alternately, the Great War of Southern Treason. In any event, this marks an improvement in Broun's rhetoric as he previously was warning his constituents about how Obama had taken the necessary steps to declare martial law and rule as a dictator.

Maybe this is just part of a new "late 19th century Reconstruction-era racism" bent to health reform criticism. Many have taken up calling reform reparations for black people. Like Glenn Beck. Becuase if there's one thing worse than the descent into socialism, it's the idea that the descent into socialism will result in blacks getting stuff, which is against the founding principles of this country.

So let me reassure the Broun's, Beck's, and Limbaugh's of the world: even if health reform does pass whites will still have considerably more shit than black people. Regrettably though, the South will still have lost the Civil War. So there's a positive and negative flipside to that coin. Sorry, and might I add: THE UNION FOREVER!