Friday, March 26, 2010

Your morning message board hilarity

In all this debate over the health reform bills America has forgot to listen to one important voice in this debate: fiddle wizard Charlie Daniels and his fans who post on his message board. Sure we hear all sorts of nonsense from "experts", "analysts", "Congressional Budget Offices", and "elected representatives", but what about the considered opinion of a man who wrote It Ain't No Rag It's A Flag and his fans?

Black Monday 03/22/10
To paraphrase a statement by Franklin Roosevelt, Monday March 22, 2010 will be a day that will live in infamy, the day the Democratic controlled congress sold out the American people, voting in a health care bill that a majority of the American people have said over and over they didn't want.

We no longer have a representative government; we essentially have a dictatorship that is willing to force their will on us regardless of what we want. This is the most despicable act ever perpetrated on the American public by the most dishonorable congress we've ever had.
Oh, it gets better. This is a man who was in a Geico commercial. He plays a fiddle! Do you doubt his expertise? I know what you're saying "Charlie Daniels and his fans musing on health care and going mental over the state of the country? Sign me up." I know, but it's a like a million times better than that.

Much in that same vein, we all know that sometimes science is a cruel mistress that shuts out important data from respected individuals. People like the Revered Jim Osbourne of the Landover Baptist Church. I'm not sure of the exact degrees the Reverend holds in Advance Celestial Mathematics, Physics, and Complex Sciencing and Sciencstry, but the man is dropping bombshells left and right on his message board about the state of the universe. Fact bombshells!

Are Stars Actually Giant Diamonds? Science and Math Confirms It
Since stars are clearly stated to be designed for human purpose, it makes no sense that they would be millions of light-years away like scientists claim. If God made stars so we can keep track of time, why seperate them from earth by vast distances? Furthermore, if they were millions of light-years away, that would mean they would have to be very, very big -- even bigger than our own sun. No, that doesn't make sense at all.

Stars are simply lights. But they are not the same as the sun, as scientists say because stars are not yellowish-orange. They are white, silvery, and twinkly. I hypothesize that they are actually celestial diamonds that are reflecting moonlight. That would account for their white-silvery light. They can't be lumps of coal like the sun, otherwise they would be yellow. I think we can agree that diamonds would be the most likely choice.
Does anyone need any more proof? Well if you do I think you'll be glad to know that he also reveals, with the help of his faithful parishioners, that some how because of the magic light properties of diamonds that make light travel through diamonds at about 1/3 the speed of light, that also proves that the universe in 6,000 years old. As one of the posters is keen to point out, this is just "drawing conclusions from sound observations and no wild speculation." Agreed. I mean who knew that God was actually Lucy in the sky with diamonds?

As the Reverend Jim later says, "This is hard science, real science, not the crazy beliefs and blind faith of atheist scientists." Yes, there are giant diamonds floating in space that prove the universe is as old as adding up all the ages in the Bible. Someone get on the blower and call up the Texas State Board of Education. There's still time to get this information into the textbooks!

No comments: