Monday, March 29, 2010

In Other News, the World Ends Tomorrow

When Matthew and I predicted that the Large Hadron Collider was actually an instrument designed to murder God and end the world, we were derided as clueless fools. Come tomorrow, my friends, the shoe will be on the other foot. Well, actually, the shoe won't be anywhere. Neither will the foot for that matter. But I digress...
Two beams of protons began 10 days ago to speed at high energy in opposite directions around the 27-kilometer (17-mile) tunnel under the Swiss-French border at Geneva.

The beams have been pushed to 3.5 trillion electron volts, the highest energy achieved by any physics accelerator — some three times greater than the previous record.

The European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, plans to start trying Tuesday morning to use the powerful superconducting magnets to force the two beams to cross, creating collisions and showers of particles.
So that's that. Dogs and cats, just before being wiped from existence, will most likely be found living together. I wish I could say it's been nice knowing you, but most of you people are assholes and I lack sufficient evidence to support any claim suggesting the universe won't be better off without us. If you'll permit me a small pun, godspeed, creation.

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