Friday, March 19, 2010

Important news of vast scientific importance

Sean and I both know that this is the web's foremost repository for scientific achievement. Were there to be a cure for cancer or cheap and abundant jetpacks released, America would come running here for the info.

So that it why we feel it is our God given duty to inform you of the greatest scientific achievement made by man or ape; the heralding sign that the future is finally here; the proof that maybe Robert Zemeckis actually has a working time machine and used it to research his movies: MOTHERFUCKING HOVERBOARDS!

I know you're thinking to yourself "This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I masturbated to envisioned the events of Back to the Future II happening" with a little "Isn't that just a small personal hovercraft and not a true levitating skateboard?" To that I again say: shut up, MOTHERFUCKING HOVERBOARDS!

Sorry that your precious repulsor lift technology wasn't invented and miniaturized into skateboard form quick enough for you your majesty. Looks like you'll just have to make due with a goddamn personal conveyance that glide on air. And might I add that unlike BTTF2 hoverboards, these hoverboards look like they might be able to go on water. They don't need POWAH! Plus do you think you could ever pull off a serious businessman look on a PitBull hoverboard or a pink Mattel hoverboard like you can on the Hammacher Schlemmer hoverboard? No, you'd look like an ass. A ridiculous ass.

So get over yourself, hoverboards are here. And for the price of $17,000 -- cheap if you ask me -- you can own an honest to God part of the goddamn future.

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