The power of prayer

You know how it is sometimes. You get so worked up over pending legislation that you and your fellow group of teabaggers pray unbelievably hard that God will go and smite leaders of the opposition so that they don't have enough votes to pass their little socialist scheme. But then the next day, as you look over the voting rolls, you see that not only did God not kill any Democrats, but that one Republican was unable to make the vote. Then that moment of panic sets in: did my prayer to kill an elected leader go into the Senate floor, miss a Democrat, ricochet around, and hit a Republican?

Well, there's only one thing left to do then: call into CSPAN and ask Sen. John Barrasso if your prayers accidentally killed Jim Inhofe instead of Robert Byrd, like you wanted.



Thankfully Barrasso was there to reassure the man that Sen. Inhofe wasn't killed by an errant prayer, he was probably just holed up in his office denying climate change or evolution or something. Whew! That was a close one.

But just a word of warning to those attempting to use the power of prayer to kill: when you order God to kill your political enemies, you have to put the killing prayer inside a spiritual sniper rifle. If you just try to cram the prayer into a metaphysical missile or a dogmatic cluster bomb, you have no idea just what kind of damage that prayer might do. No, you have to focus the power of your killing prayers. Otherwise, innocent men like Jim Inhofe might get taken down when all you are simply asking God for is the death of Robert Byrd.

It's simple shit, people.