Broken In Brief: James Cameron to direct $400 million Bull Durham remake

HOLLYWOOD—Following a $77.3 million dollar weekend for the film Avatar, a movie which was criticized for a striking resemblance to the 1990 Kevin Costner film Dances With Wolves, director James Cameron announced that he had already selected his next project. However, those who heard Cameron's description of the project quickly realized that it sounded remarkably similar to Kevin Costner’s 1988 baseball-themed romantic comedy, Bull Durham.

“Unlike the last time, when I made you wait twelve years between Titanic and Avatar, I have already started pre-production on my next film,” Cameron announced on his blog.

“While it is yet untitled, I can reveal that it will cost upwards of half a billion to make, involve mo-cap CG characters in a photo-real CG environment, 3-D, and concern the story of a young, hotheaded space marine who lands on a foreign planet and is taught by a grizzled alien how to play the native’s sacred game of ba’se ba’ll at a competent enough level to succeed in the alien’s professional league. There will be a wizened space hooker who teaches the kid the ways of love and life, giant mechs, and a hilarious shower scene where a grizzled 10-foot pink space dog admonishes the team for lollygagging.”

Cameron then signed off by saying, “I’ll start printing up the money now.”

While no one is quite sure what is driving Cameron to spend hundreds of millions of dollars re-purposing old Costner movie plots around the technological framework of his Aliens movie, friends have noted that Cameron has more money than Jesus’ stock broker and, as such, can do whatever the fuck he wants.

When asked for comment, actor Kevin Costner wished to state for the record that not only was he not dead, but that he was also not retired from acting. Costner was careful to note that if Cameron was game, he would be willing to don a mo-cap suit to play any number of CG characters, “just to get out of the house.”