Wednesday, December 16, 2009

That's a lot of e-mails

America's long national quest to find out what chain e-mails, cat videos, and strategies to leak the names of undercover CIA agents were the most popular in the Bush White House, has finally been solved. The problem that the Bush Administration had initially described as "that idiot Jenkins misplacing all those e-mails", was pieced together by several public watchdog groups and a team of elite computer nerds. It was a lot of misplaced e-mails.
Computer technicians have found 22 million missing White House e-mails from the administration of President George W. Bush and the Obama administration is searching for dozens more days' worth of potentially lost e-mail from the Bush years, according to two groups that filed suit over the failure by the Bush White House to install an electronic record keeping system.

The two private groups – Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington and the National Security Archive – said Monday they were settling the lawsuits they filed against the Executive Office of the President in 2007.
The tally of missing e-mails, the additional searches and the settlement are the latest development in a political controversy that stemmed from the Bush White House's failure to install a properly working electronic record keeping system. Two federal laws require the White House to preserve its records.
Story continues below

The two private organizations say there is not yet a final count on the extent of missing White House e-mail and there may never be a complete tally.
How does one accidentally misplace 22 million e-mails? I think the procedure goes something like this: select one e-mail, scroll down 22 million e-mails later, hold shift, click on the last e-mail, press delete. Luckily the computer squad knew how to work the "undelete" function and were following an ancient map that purported to tell the secret of Dick Cheney's Secret Treasure. You see, Cheney's treasure was knowledge!

But what a surprise, huh? The Bush Administration couldn't even work e-mail properly. It is hoped, because these e-mails are from the same period of time, that this discovery will shed some light on the Plame/CIA outing scandal and the Attorney firing scandal, as well as an other scandals we may have forgotten about. I doubt it. I can't see Karl Rove or Cheney using anything other than a system of mute albino couriers who traffic blood scrawled, wax sealed parchment through underground passages. In any event, we won't know what they say until 2014 at the earliest, as they have to go through the National Archives release process. Frankly it's a lot of LOLcats, family photos, "Chocolate Rain" forwards, and terrifying revelations about the governing of our country for one department to go through.

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