That Iran stuff is still happening

As you may be aware, protests have sprung up again in Iran with government backed violence, political assassinations, arrests, and threats of more government backed violence occurring on a daily basis. Actually, if you watch TV news you aren't aware.

I know what you're saying, "This shit is still going on? But my Twitter location is still listed as Tehran, I don't understand why that didn't work." I know, I don't understand either. Perhaps Khamenei and Ahmadinejad just don't understand just how forcefully people meant it when they clicked on Settings and scrolled all the way down to Location. But not to worry, our political establishment, when it isn't calling for the carpet bombing of these protesters, is fully in support of these protests with all the might that cheap, cheap words can provide. President Barry explains:

The United States joins with the international community in strongly condemning the violent and unjust suppression of innocent Iranian citizens, which has apparently resulted in tensions, injuries and even death.
...
Along with all free nations, the United States stands with those who seek their universal rights. We call upon the Iranian government to abide by the international obligations that it has to respect the rights of its own people. We call for the immediate release of all who have been unjustly detained within Iran. We will continue to bear witness to the extraordinary events that are taking place there. And I am confident that history will be on the side of those who seek justice.

So you see Iranian protesters, you have history and the rightness of your beliefs on your side. I really hope that's enough to withstand a basij guard and police force that is firing automatic weapons at you, because that's all we are going to provide right now; moral support from a distance.

Actually we do have one more thing to offer you: sanctions! Now I know what you Iranian protesters might be saying to yourselves, "How will sanctions that will almost invariably negatively affect the very people who are protesting, do additional harm to the freedom movement, while almost certainly not moving the Iranian government closer to any of your goals, actually help?" I don't know. But it will make us look tough and like we're taking substantive action, so shut up.

Fuck it, you know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to Twitter, clicking Settings, scrolling down to Location and putting in Tehran... in all caps. Maybe I'll add a few exclamation points. We'll see if I can't get this government toppled by mid-January at the latest.