Fake quote of the day

One of the runners up from Slate's write like Sarah Palin contest, which was looking for the best combination of Palin's "pastoral lyricism" and "unlikely metaphors". I guess they'll have to have another contest for quotes that sum up the childish blame shirking and petty grudge holding.

"The snow machine pummeled through the white-dusted plain like a jubilant beaver; snow spewing out from both sides, building its dam of snow like a beaver builds one of wood as Todd rode gallantly upon it."

My God, it's a plausible outtake. Slate has 12 examples, including the phrase "harvest our meat-bearing animals" that I now want to work into every conversation. Read them, laugh, and then imagine 400+ pages of shit like that, then weep, then laugh, then weep again while laughing.