LOS ANGELES—After an mourning period of over two weeks, today members of the porn community began to fight over which one of them would legitimately take over the moniker of ‘Oral Roberts,' that of the famous Pentecostal televangelist who died on December 15th.
The name, which had been successfully been kept out of porn due to legal threats from the powerful minister and his church, is now expected to provide an influx of hundreds of thousands of dollars to whomever should grab the name in what is sure to be an epic and erotic fight.
“I think we all remember the tremendous boon the death of the Reverend Buck Naked was to the career of the porn star Buck Naked,” observed Dan Hemmings, associate editor for Adult Video News.
“People in this industry have been waiting for this man to drop dead ever since we reclassified the word ‘Oral’ to have something to do with mouth sex as a prank on the old bastard. Remember that? ‘Oral’ used to mean ‘of or relating to the sheet metal fabrication process.' Now it means taking a shot in the mouth!”
Among those who are expected to vie for the name in graphically recorded detail are several established porn veterans as well as the litany of 18 year old newcomers that show up in the porn industry everyday thanks to Greyhound’s new bus service that will transit any of-age girl from the Midwest to Larry Flynt’s house for the low, low price of $49.
Hemmings concluded, “And the best thing about whomever eventually lands this name? No matter what deviant sex acts they perform under the title it won’t be enough to disgrace the name of a man who used to proclaim fraudulent healing powers in order to bilk destitute pensioners out of millions and stole money from the university he founded!”
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
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