She's like a younger, thinner, more retarded Larry King

Craig Brown of Vanity Fair has written a masterful parody of Gwyneth Paltrow's paragon of pretentiousness, GOOP. Not surprisingly, Brown's Paltrow is strikingly similar to TheseBastards' very own Marissa Florentine...

Be

To be or not to be. That was the question posed by one great man. It’s a tough one. My choice? To be.

I love being. There’s so much wisdom in it. You wake up in the morning and you think, Hey, isn’t it great just being?

But not to be would be just as great too, I guess.

Next week, we learn to make yummy blueberry-and-goat’s-rennet ice cream served with arugula and coconut water.

Enjoy in between the bouts of uncontrollable projectile vomiting.