Broken In Brief: DJ AM's iPod announces it will continue on without him

The iPod's emoticons were on full display during today's tearful announcement.

LOS ANGELES—Today, with great sadness in its processing core, DJ AM’s iPod, a white, 120 GB classic model, announced that it was going to fulfill the late musician’s contractual obligations to clubs and venues around the US.

“Although I am devastated by his untimely death, I know that this is what he would have wanted me to do,” the iPod said during a emotional press conference. “Luckily, not only am I programmed with all of his favorite tunes, but I also hold many of the very playlists that he enthralled club goers worldwide with. I just want people to know that I am committed to bringing them the full DJ AM experience that they knew and loved so well: familiar hits and popular remixes, competently ordered and played through a large sound system.”

When asked about any tributes or additional material for the tour, the iPod did mention that joining him during select dates would be Samantha Ronson’s iPod, which would be adding scratchy noises over the song playlist while manning DJ AM’s turntables, an object AM’s iPod assured people was “largely for show.” As for future shows, the iPod seemed hesitant.

“Sure, I’d like to continue on,” said the machine, its view screen fogging up slightly. “God knows that after the playlists run out I can just use my shuffle function. But after that…it’s up in the air. I just will have to trust in the ability of the iTunes Genius feature to find new songs that are exactly like all the other songs on my hard drive. Other than that, I’ll just hire someone to download Top 40 hits and radio promo CD’s onto myself….*sniff*…so I can honor his musical legacy.”