Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.06

Unions To Take On Conservative Groups Health Care Town Halls
You know what's even better than teabaggers and other right wing groups trying to shut down health care town halls and harass lawmakers? Teamsters and trade unionists vowing to "directly engage" hooting conservatives. Directly engage with lead pipes or just brass knuckles? I can't wait for it. "Health care is socialism! Barack Hussein is a Muslim!", "Hey youze! I 'll show yinzs assholes socialism. Shuddafuckup!", then "Gangs of New York" style mob rioting. I think this is the part right here where I'm supposed to sing "God Bless America."

White House Affirms Deal on Drug Cost
Hey, it's the Democrats looking out for you once again on health care. Turns out earlier announcements that the pharmaceutical industry had made a deal with the White House to voluntarily make efforts to save $80 billion (which means there's much, much more than that to actually be saved) had a few unannounced conditions attached. Namely that Congress wouldn't attempt to get them to save one cent more or have government negotiate drug prices. Boy, this all sounds so promising for real health care reform.

Man Offers 40 Goats And 20 Cows For Chelsea Clinton's Hand In Marriage
This was the proposed dowry offered by a Kenyan man to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for her only daughter. Secretary Clinton promised to relay the offer to Chelsea, but tried not to fill the man with to much hope. However Bill was more open to the idea, provided the animals came pre-butchered for storage in his meat freezer and the beef ribs were hickory smoked.

Robinson can’t recall anything quite this nuts. Like everyone else, we can
Gene Robinson claims he can't recall anything from the right wing as crazy as the Obama birth stuff. The Daily Howler obliges to refresh his memory and runs down a greatest hits of the things that we widely held lunatic beliefs against Bubba, Hill-Dawg, and our moon worm riding former VP. No one's accusing Barry of running murder/drug ring....yet.

Staten Island mom settles suit with Little League and coaches over knee injury
Reason #34528940A of why I hate this country. A woman just got $125,000 because she sued the little league after her precious booger eater tore up his knee because he slides into bases like a spaz. Enjoy the money, kid, I hope it makes up for the endless ridicule and abuse you'll suffer from every kid in your district who hears about this.

Paris' Dog House Is Damn Comfortable!!
Reason #34528940B of why I hate this country. Paris Hilton just built a $325,000 300 sq. ft. house....for her dogs. That's right, Paris Hilton has a dog house worth more than your house. And you still think there's a God.