Broken In Brief: Jogger desperately trying not to think about bug he just swallowed

BRISTOL—“Oh God, what was that?” jogger Henry Matheson was reported to have thought as his customary five-mile evening jog was marred by the ingestion of a wayward insect. The bug, which was probably very small, seemed to grow in size and foulness as each of Matheson's steps gave way to another thought about his unwanted protein boost.

“Is that… did it form a paste? My God, did I swallow a glow bug? A shit laden fly the size of a Pekinese? A mosquito that bit an HIV patient? Dear Jesus, what flew into my mouth?” thought Matheson, his mind becoming increasingly manic as the perceived size of the bug gave way to thoughts about disease, death, pestilence, and the vaguely unpleasant taste in his mouth.

“Put it out of your head, Hank, put it out of your head. Concentrate on the music. Concentrate on the Lady Gaga on your iPod. Poker…face, my poker…FUCK! I’M CONTAMINATED!” Matheson was reported to have thought as visions of insect eggs hatching in his throat pushed the bland top 40 pop music out of his head.

At press time, Mr. Matheson had reportedly strayed from the jogging path and commenced looking for any source of water to drink so he could remove the taste of insect intestines and plague death from his mouth.