Double down

If you weren't sure that we needed health care reform and that access to health care needed to be made more available and cheaper, then you didn't see the warped brainchild of KFC cresting over the horizon. In their attempt to wage war on America's arteries Patton-style, they have conceived of a future without bread. And thanks to Foodgeekery, we now have evidence of their opening salvo to kill us all, starting with, appropriately enough, the Heartland.

That's right, in an attempt to make Thisiswhyyou'refat explode, they have concocted a "sandwich" consisting of two chicken breasts cradling slices of two kinds of cheese, bacon, and the Colonel's "sauce". Don't you see what you've done KFC? You're only doing this with chicken, so you can't see the full horror. Now you've given Carl's Jr ("Fuck you, I'm eating!") the idea it needs to finally be able to kill a man in one sitting: Monster Thickburgers with burger patty buns! They've been trying to explode a man's heart for years, like some ancient Chinese martial arts master. Now they know how...because of KFC. Still though, that "sandwich" looks pretty damn good and supposedly tastes like it was made by Jesus' elite squad of fried food angels. Fuck it, I'll see you in the bypass line.