You are all diseased

Above: An uninfected Carnegie Mellon University student

Complimenting USA Today's Holy Shit We're All Gonna Die feature in today's edition comes news from the Homeland of a Porcine AIDS outbreak at Carnegie Mellon University, Pittsburgh's largest virgin enclave and Alma mater of yours truly.

Eighteen suspected cases of H1N1 influenza have prompted Carnegie Mellon University to take action to reduce exposures and prevent a full-fledged outbreak.

In a university e-mail yesterday, officials said 18 students have contacted Student Health Services about having flu-like illness.

Also, not surprisingly:

Classes will continue.

On the bright side, the H1N1 virus is most readily transmitted by close contact and the exchange of bodily fluids, both of which are exceedingly rare occurrences on CMU's campus. So breathe easy, kids. Use your inhalers if you have to.

h/t James