Err, uh R. I. err, uh P.

As we learn that Massachusetts Senator Ted "Sweaty Teddy" Kennedy has shuffled off to that big oil drum full of Jameson's in the sky, await a litany of uncouth comments from members of the right wing media establishment unable to contain their glee at this development, and lament the fact that Hulu or YouTube does not have one fucking clip of Phil Hartman or anyone from SNL doing a Ted Kennedy impression, we of course turn the discussion to the only thing that matters: naked political calculation about health care legislation.

It’s tempting to imagine that his death could prod the Senate into action on health care reform. It would be an extraordinary, and perhaps fitting, historical irony if Kennedy’s death provided the final moral impetus to accomplish one of the primary causes to which he dedicated his life.

LOLerskates! Good one. Yeah, I'm sure Republicans and Blue Dogs will be climbing over themselves to pass health care because Ted Kennedy died. In fact, most of the opposition was probably pumping their fist in joy because there's no way Democrats could reach 60 votes on their own until a Massachusetts special election happens. Though actually when you come to think of it the self-reverential, bullshit collegial, self-absorbed circle jerk mentality of the Senate is so great that the might actually be spurred to do something in honor of their dead friend. Do something to help the American people: get fucked. Do something that makes them get a big ole "for the Senate!" hard on: possible.

Of course these are the same people that tried to use Kennedy's brain tumor to spread fears about rationing, so maybe their "America: go die of typhoid in the gutter" mentality is just too strong to overcome their own "wank themselves off" notions of Senate fellowship. But we'll see. For now it's time to make a few cheap booze jokes, remember Kennedy's actual fights for actual liberal causes, possibly write an offensive Broken in Brief piece, wonder what if, dust off your terrible Kennedy impression, remember a speech or two, and hope that the cause he spent his entire life fighting for gets passed in some decent form.