Broken In Brief: Bengals fans already out of rape jokes

GEORGETOWN, KY--A mere ten days after the Cincinnati Bengals opened their 2009 training camp, their fan base has exhausted its supply of Ben Roethlisberger-themed rape jokes. With virtually nothing else to look forward to, in professional football as in life, the Bengals faithful had been gleefully anticipating a season's worth of "Rapistberger" chants and "Little Ben" online message board references.

This has come as a disappointment to those within the Bengals Nation, as the new sexual assault material was designed to provide a much-needed boon to their insults, which had previously ranged from complaining about how boring it is to watch the Steelers win all the time to suggesting the existence of a league-wide officiating conspiracy.

These so-called "jokes," unclever references to the dubious sexual assault civil lawsuit brought by Andrea McNulty against Roethlisberger, two-time Super Bowl Champion Steelers quarterback, were expected to be the lone bright spot in yet another dismal season of porous defense, inept offensive execution and at least a half-dozen embarrassing legal incidents before Thanksgiving.

With the chances for comedic creativity almost at a nadir, some within the fan community hope to organize a half-hearted "Rapist!" chant as they file out of Paul Brown Stadium on September 27th after the Steelers take a three-touchdown lead early in the 3rd quarter and noise from the visiting Pittsburgh fans has forced the Bengals offense to use a silent count.

This comedic shortfall is but the latest tragedy to befall an organization that has posted only one winning season since the first Bush administration. Said one Bengals fan upon hearing the announcement, "Well, maybe we'll beat the Browns once this year? Maybe? At least we'll still be able to pretend that Carson Palmer is an elite quarterback. You know, until yet another losing season and the third team video in a row entitled A Season to Learn From keys us into the fact that he's barely in the running to be this decade's Dan Fouts."