Broken In Brief: Ted Kennedy realizes lifelong dream of meeting Michael Jackson

Hyannis Port, MA--Approximately 52-54% of a nation was reassured today when, upon learning of the death of Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Massaquiddick), they were quickly reminded that the senator's passing offered him the opportunity to finally meet Michael Jackson.

Speaking apart from the official statement released to the press, daughter Kara Anne Kennedy said, "I know that despite all the work he considered undone, my father is up there, feeling honored to share table with the King of Kings and the King of Pop."

Aside from the Massachusetts Senator's well-known fondness for Jackson's work, insiders point to Kennedy's Roman Catholicism and Jackson's rampant pedophilia as evidence that, as one unnamed source said, "They'll have plenty to talk about."

When asked to expound on how a lifelong non-clergical pedophile was allowed into heaven, insiders explained that, contrary to popular belief, when Hell is full, the dead shall not walk the earth but instead be relocated to Heaven.

"We're forgiving that way," said one angel, on condition of anonymity. "Luck of the draw, more than anything else."

During the scheduled sit-down with the King of Pop, the Senator is expected to inquire about the making of the Smooth Criminal video from Moonwalker, while Jackson plans to thank Kennedy for passing the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP), which helped cover the medical expenses of so many of the kids he diddled.

Afterward, the man affectionately known as the "Liberal Lion" will be led off to engage in another lifelong dream: a thousand-year drinking contest with Ed McMahon, Babe Ruth, Dean Martin, Hunter S.Thompson, Andre the Giant, Boris Yeltsin, Charles Bukowski, Winston Churchill, and every dead Irishman ever.