Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.24

The Favre and I
It was a romance many thought would span the breadth of time and teach us all about the true meaning of love. But like all true love, one day it withered on the vine. Such is the tale of Brett Favre, fresh off his 17th retirement, and his #1 media sweetheart Peter King. Slate traces their relationship from its earliest days of smitten infatuation, to the cruel breakup amidst rumors of a Favre/Madden tryst in the back of the Madden Cruiser. Will they ever reconcile? We'll see, since Favre will never retire, King will have plenty of opportunities to fall back in love.

All the President’s Zombies
Paul Krugman decides to use the TB metaphor method of choice -- ZOMBIES!!! -- to describe the health care debate and the seeming undead rise of Reaganism in the "government is bad" arguments against health care reform. Discredited ideas that keep rising from the dead inexplicably to menace British comedy duos, the greater Pittsburgh area, and women named Barbara. Here's an idea: shoot the zombies in the head. Either get some juice behind discrediting these ideas/getting news organizations to point out that they've been discredited....or just kill anyone who repeats them. Either/or. It's really up to you, Paul.

BERNIE 'DYING' IN JAIL
Awwwww, why does cancer always happen to the good ones? Could his confession and positioning as the sole fall guy for the entire Ponzi scheme be his attempt at cleansing his soul before death? Who gives a fuck? God has smited him with a plague for his many affronts against humanity. On a lighter note, the Post also divulges that Madoff hangs out with the Native Americans in prison, partaking in their sweat lodges, and also pals around with "the homosexual posse", but that other ethnicities are trying to recruit him into their gangs. I can think of no funnier thing than Bernie Madoff weighing the relative merits of joining the Mexican Mafia or the Black Guerrilla Family with his "homosexual posse."

Healthcare insurers get upper hand
I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that heath insurers might stand to reap a financial windfall and are might be exceedingly thrilled with the way health care reform negotiations have seemed to ditch the only possible chink in their armor: a public plan. By which I mean they are going to get rich and are really happy about it. Whew! I was worried for a second that these useful pillars of American society weren't going to make out like bandits. Thank God we have people in Congress looking out for them, instead of the teeming masses of peasants who want just a touch more gruel in their bowl.

Obama’s Team Is Lacking Most of Its Top Players
Wonder how the Obama Administration is supposed to run any of the Government Department's with only 43% of it's political appointees in place? Yeah, so are a lot of people. But hey, it's just the beauty of our system, where the President is expected to run the government without our legislative bodies or vetting processes actually allowing anyone to be put in place to run the government. Marvel at Hillary Clinton going to a international forum on international development, but having no one manning the Agency for International Development. Or holding a summit for nuclear nonproliferation with no nonproliferation secretary. Remember: when America does finally collapse under the weight of its own ineffective bullshit, try to act surprised when stuff like this is brought up.