Climate Activists Jailed For Saying ‘Coal’s Killing West Virginia’s Communities’
What do you have to do to get arrested in West Virginia? Well we know marrying your cousin, hunting Burt Reynolds and raping Ned Beatty during a canoe trip, bootlegging moonshine, or setting every couch in Morgantown on fire won't do it. But if you point out that coal mining and mountaintop coal mining damages communities, damages the environment, and damages the health of the men doing the work? You get imprisoned and held without charges for an offense that would merit a $100 fine. Stay classy, WV.
Japan Bomb Survivor, Tsutomu Yamaguchi, Lived Through Hiroshima And Nagasaki Atomic Attacks
Did you ever wonder who in human history had the worst week ever recorded? That would be Tsutomu Yamaguchi, a Japanese man who went to Hiroshima for a business meeting for his shipbuilding company, got nuked, suffered serious burns to his body, spent the night in the hospital, went back to his home in Nagasaki, and hot nuked again. I also think he banged his shin off a table somewhere in the intervening period between atomic blasts. That really hurts. Thankfully he lived a long a full life to the age of 93. So next time you think you're really having a bad week, just say to yourself "At least I'm not 'Two Nukes' Yamaguchi."
Iran soccer official resigns over e-mail to Israel
How great is Iran's hatred of Israel and how rigid is their punishment of government officials that recognize Israel as a state? So much so that the head of their soccer federation was fired for including Israel's soccer head in a mass e-mail of banal New Years' greeting he sent out to every soccer federation head in the world. That's sticking to your Jew hating guns. I don't know why they fired him. Isn't being President of Iran's soccer federation enough punishment?
Moon hole might be suitable for colony
Good news for those of us who think we should all have been living on fucking moon bases like a decade ago. Seems that a 312 ft wide 260 ft deep hole in the moon's Marius Hills would provide a perfect temperature controlled, meteorite protected place to put a fucking moon base already. Either the government needs to get on this or Sean and I are using it for the galactic headquarters of Moon Water Inc. I don't want to give away too much of our business model, but lets just say it involves multiple Sam Rockwells and a robot voiced by Kevin Spacey.
The Distant Executioner
Vanity Fair takes an extensive look at our Afghanistan policy of trying to avoid civilian deaths and what that means for combat, particularly in the usage of snipers. It follows around a Texas Army National Guardsman sniper who has dropped a Taliban fighter at 806 meters and believes God is on his side. Worth your time.
Showing posts with label vanity fair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vanity fair. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Friday, August 28, 2009
Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.28
Dominick Dunne’s Quarter-Century
Lost in all the hubbub over some Senator dying was the passing of Vanity Fair journalist Dominick Dunne. While he wrote on many subjects he was most known and most acclaimed for his work looking at how celebrity and high society interacted with the judicial system. From Claus von Bulow to OJ to Phil Specter he covered a hell of a lot of rich crooks. Vanity Fair has been kind enough to put up links to his greatest hits. Good read.
An Emptied Flask Makes for Empty Promises
As if you didn't already know, science has come out and definitively proven that all that shit you claim you're totally going to do when you're drunk (take a swing at your old man, ask that pretty girl out, better yourself, stop taking shit from people, pulling your life together) are all just drunken bullshit. They even coined a term for it: alcohol myopia. But don't worry, after a couple more shots and a few more beers you'll show those fucking eggheads who'll do what, you'll show everyone.
Small Midwestern States To Be Hit Hardest By Climate Change: Report
Ahh Life, it's your small ironies that give you such great flavor. See it turns out that some of the states most opposed to global warming and climate change legislation will hilariously see their parcels of land most resemble an ultra-hot, skin melting frying pan. Oh sure, we'll all fry, but they'll fry a little hotter and burn a little crisper. Now if only all the coal states were within flooding distance for when the icecaps melt....
California Garage Sale: State Holds Giant Garage Sale To Raise Funds
If you were in the market for a giant state seal with a bear on it it or perhaps some stuff Jerry Brown forgot to take out of his gubernatorial storage locker, the state of California, comically reaping the bitter harvest of electing Arnold Schwarzenegger and their idiotic ballot measure system, have been reduced to hawking their goods in an attempt to pay for stuff like schools. If you buy over $500 worth of stuff, Arnold will personally deliver it to your house and say whichever catch phrase of his you want to hear.
War in Darfur is finished, claims UN commander
You know what I think tipped the tide: the hipsters with their Darfur t-shirts. But still, you see all the good that can happen when you just let a despotic government genocide itself out? By strategically doing nothing we made sure that they'd eventually fall into our trap of getting tired of ethnically cleansing the countryside. Well done, international community!
Lost in all the hubbub over some Senator dying was the passing of Vanity Fair journalist Dominick Dunne. While he wrote on many subjects he was most known and most acclaimed for his work looking at how celebrity and high society interacted with the judicial system. From Claus von Bulow to OJ to Phil Specter he covered a hell of a lot of rich crooks. Vanity Fair has been kind enough to put up links to his greatest hits. Good read.
An Emptied Flask Makes for Empty Promises
As if you didn't already know, science has come out and definitively proven that all that shit you claim you're totally going to do when you're drunk (take a swing at your old man, ask that pretty girl out, better yourself, stop taking shit from people, pulling your life together) are all just drunken bullshit. They even coined a term for it: alcohol myopia. But don't worry, after a couple more shots and a few more beers you'll show those fucking eggheads who'll do what, you'll show everyone.
Small Midwestern States To Be Hit Hardest By Climate Change: Report
Ahh Life, it's your small ironies that give you such great flavor. See it turns out that some of the states most opposed to global warming and climate change legislation will hilariously see their parcels of land most resemble an ultra-hot, skin melting frying pan. Oh sure, we'll all fry, but they'll fry a little hotter and burn a little crisper. Now if only all the coal states were within flooding distance for when the icecaps melt....
California Garage Sale: State Holds Giant Garage Sale To Raise Funds
If you were in the market for a giant state seal with a bear on it it or perhaps some stuff Jerry Brown forgot to take out of his gubernatorial storage locker, the state of California, comically reaping the bitter harvest of electing Arnold Schwarzenegger and their idiotic ballot measure system, have been reduced to hawking their goods in an attempt to pay for stuff like schools. If you buy over $500 worth of stuff, Arnold will personally deliver it to your house and say whichever catch phrase of his you want to hear.
War in Darfur is finished, claims UN commander
You know what I think tipped the tide: the hipsters with their Darfur t-shirts. But still, you see all the good that can happen when you just let a despotic government genocide itself out? By strategically doing nothing we made sure that they'd eventually fall into our trap of getting tired of ethnically cleansing the countryside. Well done, international community!
Monday, August 10, 2009
She's like a younger, thinner, more retarded Larry King
Craig Brown of Vanity Fair has written a masterful parody of Gwyneth Paltrow's paragon of pretentiousness, GOOP. Not surprisingly, Brown's Paltrow is strikingly similar to TheseBastards' very own Marissa Florentine...
BeEnjoy in between the bouts of uncontrollable projectile vomiting.
To be or not to be. That was the question posed by one great man. It’s a tough one. My choice? To be.
I love being. There’s so much wisdom in it. You wake up in the morning and you think, Hey, isn’t it great just being?
But not to be would be just as great too, I guess.
Next week, we learn to make yummy blueberry-and-goat’s-rennet ice cream served with arugula and coconut water.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.22
Palin’s Resignation: The Edited Version
Vanity Fair went to the trouble of correcting and editing Sarah Palin's "winner's quit" speech, attempting to make her confused verbiage and half-witted analogies seem coherent and like they were written by someone with a middle school education. Why yes, this is the exact definition of "turd polishing", thanks for asking.
HuffPost's Real Misery Index: Recalculating The Hard Times
Just when you thought there was a corner of the earth where you could hide from economic reality and maybe cry a little inside, the Huffington Post finds another way to make you feel worse about our horrific financial apocalypse: a new misery index. Apparently it says things are shitty. Thanks Ariana, I was almost to hide from reality there for a second.
Liz Cheney Defends Birthers On Larry King (VIDEO)
Wait, so you're telling me that there's a Cheney out there who wants people to believe in a lie and acts in a completely unprincipled manner in an attempt to get people to believe it? Someone get this family in contact with the Human Genome Project so we can find the genetic marker for dishonest amoral soullessness.
Bachmann, Kline oppose public option because it’s ‘cheaper’
This is a new one. Instead of opposing a public health care plan on the grounds that it's socialism or the new vestiges of Obamussolini's fascist revolution (though they do also believe those two things) Michelle Bachmann and a man who thought it was smart to hitch his intellectual wagon to Michelle Bachmann are decrying the public plan because it will...make insurance cheaper by 30%-40% and cover everyone. Uh, thanks for making the argument for us?
Oakland Voters Pass Landmark Pot Tax To Boost City Coffers
*Sniff* this is a big moment for you pot smokers. No longer are you a laughed at subculture, a waste of our police and the feds law enforcement time, or the dancing spinning people at Phish concerts that people wish would stop bumping into them. No, you're now just like everyone else: a subset the government has recognized it can sodomize for tax money. It's a big day. Welcome to the party, Cigarettes are over by the punch bowl and Alcohol is fiddling with the music, go mingle. This must be what it felt like for black people when Obama got elected.
Vanity Fair went to the trouble of correcting and editing Sarah Palin's "winner's quit" speech, attempting to make her confused verbiage and half-witted analogies seem coherent and like they were written by someone with a middle school education. Why yes, this is the exact definition of "turd polishing", thanks for asking.
HuffPost's Real Misery Index: Recalculating The Hard Times
Just when you thought there was a corner of the earth where you could hide from economic reality and maybe cry a little inside, the Huffington Post finds another way to make you feel worse about our horrific financial apocalypse: a new misery index. Apparently it says things are shitty. Thanks Ariana, I was almost to hide from reality there for a second.
Liz Cheney Defends Birthers On Larry King (VIDEO)
Wait, so you're telling me that there's a Cheney out there who wants people to believe in a lie and acts in a completely unprincipled manner in an attempt to get people to believe it? Someone get this family in contact with the Human Genome Project so we can find the genetic marker for dishonest amoral soullessness.
Bachmann, Kline oppose public option because it’s ‘cheaper’
This is a new one. Instead of opposing a public health care plan on the grounds that it's socialism or the new vestiges of Obamussolini's fascist revolution (though they do also believe those two things) Michelle Bachmann and a man who thought it was smart to hitch his intellectual wagon to Michelle Bachmann are decrying the public plan because it will...make insurance cheaper by 30%-40% and cover everyone. Uh, thanks for making the argument for us?
Oakland Voters Pass Landmark Pot Tax To Boost City Coffers
*Sniff* this is a big moment for you pot smokers. No longer are you a laughed at subculture, a waste of our police and the feds law enforcement time, or the dancing spinning people at Phish concerts that people wish would stop bumping into them. No, you're now just like everyone else: a subset the government has recognized it can sodomize for tax money. It's a big day. Welcome to the party, Cigarettes are over by the punch bowl and Alcohol is fiddling with the music, go mingle. This must be what it felt like for black people when Obama got elected.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Read this now
If you need to find something to occupy your time with during this whole section of the day where the news and the world were kind enough to go on hold for the MJ Memorial, or you just need a mental rejuvenation after hours of having your brain molested by coverage of the MJ Memorial read this:
The Man Who Crashed the WorldMichael Lewis in Vanity Fair about AIG, the global financial apocalypse, how it happened, the bailout, and how it affects Michael Jackson. Probably the best article on the economic hellstorm of fury that has come out in a loooong while.Almost a year after A.I.G.’s collapse, despite a tidal wave of outrage, there still has been no clear explanation of what toppled the insurance giant. The author decides to ask the people involved—the silent, shell-shocked traders of the A.I.G. Financial Products unit—and finds that the story may have a villain, whose reign of terror over 400 employees brought the company, the U.S. economy, and the global financial system to their knees.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Two multi-billion word Vanity Fair pieces you should read
Michael Jackson Is Gone, but the Sad Facts Remain
Feeling just a little to good about Michael Jackson's career and the new-found ability you have to listen to Thriller without once thinking about raped kids? Well Vanity Fair and Maureen Orth are here to make sure you stop all that nonsense, putting up 5 past articles on Jackson, hos many trials, and his quest to become the most bizarre man on the planet. For instance: did you know that not only did MJ have motion detectors to alert him when people were approaching his bedroom, but alarms went off when someone was at the bedroom door? Now I'm really positive he wasn't diddling kids, that sounds so normal. Stuff like that is the tip of the iceberg. It's worth going over just to remember "Oh yeah, that's how messed up he was. I forgot."
It Came from Wasilla
Along those same lines comes Todd S. Purdum who wants you all to remember all the things you loathed about Sarah Palin back in November and give you a few more things to get all jittery about. Like the fact that she was referred to by staffers as the "Little Shop of Horrors", she writes moralizing and judgmental e-mails to friends in the voice of God, had McCain people coming up with varying excuses as to why she was so crazy, her propensity for stealing anything that wasn't nailed down, her compulsive lying, and the possibility that she may have irreparably harmed McCain staffers mental well-being in only two months. Really, really fun, horrifying stuff. Did I mention that after all this she's still a huge possibility for the GOP nomination in 2012? There is almost nothing you can do to discredit yourself in that party.
If all that was too much for you to bear and re-live, Vanity Fair also has a bunch of Twilight pictures up. You kids all like the Twilight, don't you?
Feeling just a little to good about Michael Jackson's career and the new-found ability you have to listen to Thriller without once thinking about raped kids? Well Vanity Fair and Maureen Orth are here to make sure you stop all that nonsense, putting up 5 past articles on Jackson, hos many trials, and his quest to become the most bizarre man on the planet. For instance: did you know that not only did MJ have motion detectors to alert him when people were approaching his bedroom, but alarms went off when someone was at the bedroom door? Now I'm really positive he wasn't diddling kids, that sounds so normal. Stuff like that is the tip of the iceberg. It's worth going over just to remember "Oh yeah, that's how messed up he was. I forgot."
It Came from Wasilla
Along those same lines comes Todd S. Purdum who wants you all to remember all the things you loathed about Sarah Palin back in November and give you a few more things to get all jittery about. Like the fact that she was referred to by staffers as the "Little Shop of Horrors", she writes moralizing and judgmental e-mails to friends in the voice of God, had McCain people coming up with varying excuses as to why she was so crazy, her propensity for stealing anything that wasn't nailed down, her compulsive lying, and the possibility that she may have irreparably harmed McCain staffers mental well-being in only two months. Really, really fun, horrifying stuff. Did I mention that after all this she's still a huge possibility for the GOP nomination in 2012? There is almost nothing you can do to discredit yourself in that party.
If all that was too much for you to bear and re-live, Vanity Fair also has a bunch of Twilight pictures up. You kids all like the Twilight, don't you?
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