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Former French President Chirac hospitalized

Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to hospital after being mauled by his own 'clinically depressed' pet dog.

The 76-year-old statesman was savaged by his white Maltese dog - which suffers from frenzied fits and is being treated with anti-depressants.

The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making 'vicious, unprovoked attacks', Chirac's wife Bernadette said.

Even more tragic is that the Chirac's went to the UN to get sanctions placed on the dog and to get the body to condemn the "vicious and unprovoked attacks" but China and Russia vetoed it in the Security Council. Just one question to our Lord and savior: money God. Was it too much to ask to make the dog a poodle?