Blagojevich impeached, taken off medication

So Rowdy Roddy Blagojevich is going to be impeached. The Illinois house voted to send him up to the senate for trial by a vote of 114-1-1. There he will almost certainly be thrown out of office. But that's not why we're here. We knew this was coming. Why we're here is because of the press conference Rod gave.

In it he wheeled out an actual man in a wheelchair, senior citizens, an infant, and a poor black teenager who had liver surgery and attempted to hide behind them. Evidently he couldn't find a wounded veteran waving a flag, a puppy, an astronaut, or a weeping nun. According to Rod, he is not being impeached because of all the hours of recorded conversations that have him demanding bribes and kickbacks, but because he was fighting for the poor and huddled masses assembled on the stage. A vindictive payback for caring about kids and freedom and liberty and apple pie with hamburgers and justice in it. He then closed by reciting Tennyson's Ulysses before challenging the press to a guitar duel on the Stranglehold level of Guitar Hero.

I don't even know what to say at this point. This man is setting and re-setting the bar. He is the Usain Bolt of cheap political theater and we're all just lagging behind. I'm going to miss you when you're in prison, Rod. Try and start up a bizarre prison gang or become a Muslim or something, just so you can pop back into the news every once in a while. We salute you.